HEEEELP!!!

I am in dire need of some help...Mommy has been trying to quit smoking and she has been very cranky. I almost wish Daddy took me to Iraq with him. I am proud of my mommy for doing this and I definitely don't sneeze as much as I used to. I just wish when Mommy decided to do this she didn't disappear and have a demonic version come stay with me. This is my plea to all of my fans....please, please, please let me come stay with you until my loving mommy returns from sabbatical. I have confiscated Mommy's cell phone so call with your offer. Thank you in advance for your help and kindness!