RIP Aunt J

Dearest Auntie J,

On Tuesday you left this world. I refuse to say that you lost your battle with cancer. I firmly believe it isn't a matter of win or lose & I will never think of you as a loser in anything. Last night was your viewing. It was very hard to see how much the stupid illness changed you, but it never managed to take away your spirit. In the end that is all that matters. You never became your disease. You were just Auntie J who happened to get cancer.

When I got the call about your passing it was like being punched in the gut. I really thought I was prepared to hear that horrid news. I guess somethings there really is no prep for. The one thing that kept me from spiraling into a blubbering mess was the comfort that you were no longer in pain. The courage it took to fight stage 4 brain & lung cancer for 1 year just amazes me. It shouldn't since you truly were 1 tough, strong, smart & stubborn cookie. It will always be a great honor to call you my aunt as I continue to tell Bobby stories about you.

You left behind 2 fabulous men that treasured their mother more than anything in this world. The love & grief on their faces takes one's breath away. They got you beautiful flowers & hand wrote your notes. Both made me tear up but the raw emotion of one still makes me cry when I picture it. My sister said it best "I hope one day I raise a child that loves me that much while being such a great over all person." All I can say to that is if I am able to be a fraction of the parent you were then I will be a great mom.

Even as I tear up writing this it is kinda hard to be overwhelmingly sad. I keep hearing your laugh & I can't help but smile. Mom told me that people came to the funeral dressed in Ravens garb. I know you were smiling at that. Ironically all day I saw people wear Ravens jerseys & t-shirts. All I could think was everybody is honoring Aunt J.

As I say my final goodbye please know that every time I watch a horror movie I think of you & smile. I will always love you & miss you Aunt J. One day I'll see you on the other side. Try not to have too much fun without me, but remember I will want details. Give everybody my love & kiss Sparky for me.

Smooches & hugs,
Lauren