Oh The Humiliation

Robert: Today has been a rough day filled with lots of twists & turns. It all started in the wee hours of the morning when I woke my parents with spine tingling screams. They walked into my room to find everything covered in vomit. Of course they thought I had cried until I threw up & somehow they didn't wake up. So it was business as usual this morning. Mommy took me to the store to buy some new toys with my Easter money then we were off to a doctor's appointment.

After we were done mommy decided to stop at Target for a few things. We did the usual nice weather routine of parking next to the cart return & taking one of the carts in the return into the store. Only this time as soon as I was seated & strapped in I proceeded to puke all over the cart while we were in the parking lot. As tons of horrified people stopped to stare my mommy tried to wipe some of the vomits off of me before putting me back in the car. Let me say it was an smelly drive home. Even with the windows down our car smelled like a college dorm bathroom on a Saturday night. I don't even think the guard at the gate for base looked at mommy's ID. As soon as he leaned in to get the ID card a weird look crossed his face & he waved mommy on.

Once we were home & I was cleaned up mommy tried to give me some Pedialite & bland food. I threw it all back up This time I not only coated myself, but I got it all over my highchair & the carpet. My mommy was not too happy. Of course she was worried about me but she was mad that she had to lock the dogs away before she could get to me. Apparently toddler vomit is a canine delicacy. While it is an extremely gross concept it did help mommy pre-treat the carpet. With all of my clothes & fabric parts of my highchair in the wash I was whisked away for another bath.

After I was clean & in fresh clothes mommy went to put me down for a nap. When she came out of my room she found Tiger in the hallway eating a used maxi pad (If you are unaware of what this is be thankful & skip to the end of our story). My horrified mother had to wrestle what was left (about 1/3) away from Tiger. Then she had to search the house for the other 2/3. You can only imagine the terror building in mommy as she frantically searched our entire house only to find nothing. Next came the call that no one ever expects to make... "Hi Mr. Veterinarian. My dog just ate my used maxi pad. No, I am not an irresponsible pet owner. Yes, I swear it wasn't done intentionally. No, I am not training him for dog fighting & wanted him to get a taste for blood. Yes, I am sure that there is 2/3 of a bloody pad missing." OK so maybe it wasn't that bad, but the receptionist sure sounded like she puked a little in her mouth after mommy told her the story & asked for help. Thankfully we have a nice vet & he didn't send Puppy Protective Services over to take Tiger away from us. He did instruct mommy to give Tiger 4 tbsp of peroxide to induce vomiting (yeah! more vomit). So mommy is outside with Ms. Delania's old dog tie out holding Tiger down & force feeding him tablespoons of peroxide. I am pretty sure some of our neighbors think we are insane. Daddy walks out the back door just as the vomiting started. Yeah, I can only imagine what must have been going through his head when he looked around... Mommy barefoot & sitting on the ground with tears starting to dry on her face, a giant bottle of peroxide on the table, several measuring spoons scattered around, & Tiger tied out puking his guts out all over the yard. At least daddy is a good sport & didn't freak out. Mommy & daddy took turns sitting with Tiger for the longest hour of our lives. Now it is a waiting game to see if he shows any signs of a bowel obstruction. Provided we have a good night & Tiger keeps his plain chicken & rice down mommy will follow up with the vet tomorrow. I gotta run... mommy is a little stressed out & she forgot to vent the rice in the microwave. Yup, the container exploded & caused daddy to have an Iraqi flashback. I think it will be a martini night for mommy once everyone is taken care of & tucked in for bed.